How to Seize Power in 4 Simple Lessons

The results of the recent US election campaign have inspired me to write this short manual that will tell any daring politician in the underdeveloped world how to seize power.

First Lesson.

1. Identify a social group that has been marginalized by current rulers.
2. Research the reasons that the selected group has for hating the government and/or other social, ethnic or religious groups.
3. Become an advocate for the cause of the selected group, publicly speaking out against groups with which your group does not sympathize.
4. Ignite the spark of rancor between your group and the other groups so that the controversy arises and spreads.
5. Become famous for using pejorative and vulgar propaganda to the delight of social media.
6. Be iconoclastic and you will receive free media coverage unlike your adversaries.

Second Lesson.

1. Use the platform provided by the democratic system to emerge.
2. Join a political party that allows you to raise funds and participate in public events.
3. Register as a pre-candidate in the party's primary elections.
4. Use every opportunity to participate in public events and television debates.
5. Always maintain an irreverent position in debates and other public events.
6. Identify the physical or emotional weaknesses of your opponents and disqualify them through mockery and irony.
7. Destroy your opponents one by one to prevent them from uniting against you.
8. When a serious topic is raised, divert attention by using slogans or making fun of the subject.
9. Hide your ignorance with dramatic attitudes such as the angry attack on the adversary or the government.
10. Surround yourself with cynical people who defend you in all areas.

Third Lesson.

1. If you are reaching the final stretch, take pains to create a wave of false rumors against your opponent.
2. Thoroughly criticize all government programs and offer to dismantle them on day one or within the first hundred days of your administration.
3. Stir up the hate in your supporters until the last day of the campaign to motivate them to vote.

Fourth Lesson.

1. If you achieved your goal and won, you can now change the tone of revenge for that of a statesman.
2. Look for excuses to justify before the country the dismantling of your campaign promises.
3. Appoint a first cabinet where all currents, sexes, races and religions are represented.
4. Repeat ad nauseam that you will rule for everyone.
5. Do not forget that when you come to power you will no longer be campaigning and that all your actions will have serious consequences.
6. Be moderate and you will avoid being kicked out of power through the back door of government house.

I hope that these guidelines are useful for all those who wish to enter the world of politics and learn how to seize power, whether for good or for evil. And for the record, any resemblance between this brief manual and reality is purely coincidental...

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