Reflect before expressing a “Yes” or a “No”

A few centuries ago, the brilliant Spanish writer Baltasar Gracián affirmed that “No and Yes are brief to say, but they require a lot of thought”. Expressed a yes or no, an action will come that will bring a consequence or result. A yes or a no are in no way neutral expressions, because they are confirming a decision and guiding towards an action. We can define an action as doing something, doing nothing, speaking or being silent, but it is a reality that every action causes an effect. 

Answering yes or no, under the sole influence of feelings and emotions, will surely bring us problems. It is a fact that many times the results or consequences of the actions that follow a yes or a no accompany us or persecute us throughout life, for better or for worse. A yes or a no can change our route and our life forever.
Many times it is difficult for us to measure the consequences of decisions, because they may not be reflected in the immediate present, becoming a reality in the future. “When in doubt, stay away,” said a leader I worked with a few years ago. Our life goes on and -to a large extent- is the result of small decisions every day, in which there is always a yes or no involved.

We must be careful when expressing the yes or no, so that they really reflect our opinion, values, needs, goals and dreams. The «yes» arises by default, it is said by default in English, when the «no» remains without being explicitly stated; in other words, when we do not express a clear and firm "No", its absence can be interpreted as a "Yes". It is important that one of the two is always clearly expressed on our part –or a yes or a no- because otherwise the absence of one could be interpreted as acceptance of the other.

Both Yes and No are small in size, but big in impact, consequences and results for our lives and the lives of others. Future events and circumstances will depend on the proper choice or choice between one and the other, on a yes or no, at the moment of deciding, which will bring consequences and results, positive or negative, for our lives and those of those around us. Canadian author and consultant Robert S. Sharma states that "Small decisions lead, over time, to big consequences." Many of our successes or failures in life have been the result of a yes or no. 

At the moment of deciding, to give a yes or a no, we should have two or more options to choose from, a single option does not represent any alternative, there would be no choice. From three possibilities we would really have options. Many times the third alternative represents the middle point, the famous Middle Way expressed by the wise Buddha, that place of balance between two extremes.

But regardless of the options we have to choose from, when one of these receives a "yes", we will be giving a "no" to the other or others. Even, for example, not participating with our vote in an election process is having voted for the winner. "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor," says Desmond Tutu, South African clergyman and pacifist, Nobel Peace Prize winner (1984).

"Those who think little, are very wrong", said the great Italian painter, sculptor and inventor Leonardo Da Vinci. That is why it is very important to think before expressing ourselves or acting, to avoid or reduce the probability of making mistakes. Much of the respect that we do not deserve, from others, is related to our balanced and balanced rationality, conviction and firmness when expressing a yes or a no. Both the "Yes" and the "No" help us to establish and ratify our rules of life and set harmonic limits, up to which other people can go, without feeling disrespected.   

The “Yes” entails commitment on our part, because through it we pledge our word and make ourselves worthy of respect by fulfilling what is offered or promised. It is useless to say yes and acquire a commitment, not to ratify it by fulfilling it. 

In summary, it is very important to be cautious when we are going to make a decision, which implies a yes or a no, because the decision that solves the issue or specific problem in the short term does not necessarily have a guarantee of success in the medium and long term. We must weigh its possible consequences, impact or result, taking the necessary time to evaluate them before deciding, without pressure to regret later. The risk of error will consist of saying yes when we should have said no or no when we should have said yes.

Miguel A. TeránPsychology, Philosophy and CoachingBlog: www.miguelterancoach.blogspot.comWebsite: www.lidervoice.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/miguelterancoachLinkedin: http://www.linkedin.com/in/miguelterancoachTwitter: @MiguelATeranO